10:47 p.m. - Sunday, Dec. 26, 2004
Sick, insane.
I don't understand something. Lonnie showed up here on the 22nd or 23rd saying that he would be here in the A.M. He didn't show until 2 p.m. That was his first mistake.
He had a nice visit with Jesse, I suppose, I left them to it and came back here and got on the PC.
I was mean to him the whole time-didn't offer him anything to eat or drink, didn't speak to him hardly and when I did, I bitched at him.
Here is what I don't understand.
My mistake was when he asked if he could hug me goodbye and I let him. I had on White Diamonds perfume and he told me how good I smelled. He kissed my shoulder and my collarbone, knowing full well what it would do to me.
It's my fault for letting him. I don't know why I let him. I don't know why I proceed to sleep with him when there are so many other things that I hate about him.
It isn't even as though it's that good. It's just something that happens everytime we're together. (We didn't have sex when he was here a few days ago) I don't understand why I still chill and tingle in all the right places when I think about him, why I'm with him.
It's sick.
I've told you what was on my mind without getting into the nasty details. Does anyone have an opinion about this? I'd love to hear it!

previous - next