6:58 p.m. - Thursday, Aug. 12, 2004
suckage
Do I even need to gripe about what a pain in the ass Diaryland is? Kid you not, I sat here at the library for 3 hours Tuesday night surfing the web and trying to update and this freking nonsense called Diaryland never got up and running!

I still don't have a lot to say, I don't suppose.

Jesse went to the doctor on the 3rd and she's growing just as she should be. :) Poor dear had to have her earrings taken out because they were just starting to bother her ears.

I was taking care of them, I don't know what happened.

L got a job and then lost it...he got a job at some plant via a temp agency and he worked for 2 weeks and according to him, the temp agency terminated his contract with him and won't tell him why.

I have not been home over a month, folks, but I would dare say that there is something that L is not telling me.

The State Fair is this weekend and L is supposed to find means to come in to see Jesse.

As far as I know, I'll be seeing him Saturday and then I'll take Jesse to see him before he leaves on Sunday. He's supposedly supposed to do yet another interview (or start work) at the new WalMart in town on Tuesday.

I don't know if I want to go back to L or not. I don't want to go back to that trailor where my inlaws know everything that goes on.

I don't know if I want to try one last time to try and convince him to move where me and Jesse are.

I have tried to picture my life with him and I can see the three of us being happy and getting along. But when I picture my life without him, I see myself doing things and meeting people.

He doesn't want me to have friends, I don't think. Everytime I have had a friend and he is in the picture, I end up losing that friend rather it be directly or indirectly because of him.

I am so confused.

The answer should be obvious, but I don't know what to do.

Living with Mom has not been easy at all...not like I thought it would be, but I'm so miserable at my Mom's.

I fight with her and Jeff...I'm scared to come out of my room sometimes because I don't want to piss anyone off...I'm scared to talk because I don't want to piss anyone off...I constantly feel like I can't do anything right...I know I need to get a job, but I don't know that I'm going to hang around and make it worth my while to get a job...I know I need to do a lot of things...I hate feeling like this. It sucks.

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