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7:44 p.m. - Saturday, Aug. 21, 2004 1. It has been raining. All. Day. Long.*Ugh*. 2. Hinton is a stupid, dirty, little town with stupid, dirty little people in it and as long as I live I will continue to think it is the shittiest place to ever exist. I hated it as a kid and I despise it as an adult. I'm sorry. 3. What the BLUE FUCK am I doing back here? 4. I think the weather is what is affecting my current mood. 5. I have been talking to L since I have been here (at my Mom's) and when I talked to him the day before yesterday, he didn't say that he loved me like he always does when we are on the phone, like he always has no matter what. So, I guess that really is that. 6. Some days this is harder than I thought it would be-I guess there is a part of me that loves L, but I really shouldn't, I don't think...I feel like I have to because he is, although piss poor excuse that he may be, Jesse's dad. 7. I'd like to know when we are going to go and get mine and Jesse's things. 8. I have read 3 books in 3 weeks: Sorcer's Stone, Chamber of Secrets, and am halfway through Prizoner of Azkaban. I'm getting pretty pissed that I may have to go to Raleigh County to buy Goblet of Fire as I cannot find a cheap copy of it here in the cesspool that is Hinton! ("D-uh, Harry Potter? What's that? Some kind of bowl you plant your flowers in?" Heh.) 9. I may be starting college courses and taking web design classes as soon as I get to go through the booklet to see if the college offers such classes. I realize that while Jesse and I are on our own, I have to do SOMETHING. I just don't know that it's the SOMETHING that I want to do. I have always had an interest in web design, but I don't feel confident that it is something that I can stick with, I don't care id the state WILL send me for free and pay me monthly to go. This is an idea that my Mom has pushed and I have given in because she didn't like any answer that I had that sounded like I didn't want to go. She thinks that I should try culinary arts because I like to cook and can follow/spice up just about any recipe that I go by (plus a few of my own recipes here and there), but why do all of that training just so I can work at a freaking Shoney's?? I don't enjoy cooking THAT much! I don't even like food that much, I just cook because...I don't know why, but I don't feel that culinary is my gig. 10. I tried the college thing once before and I only lasted a semester. What if I can't hack it again? 11. I have been thinking about how L's Mom yelled at me...like I often do, and she more or less called me money hungry and said that all I cared about was money and if that was my reason for divorcing L, then I needed to get my priorities straight because money wasn't everything. (Not in those exact words). She needs to look at her money hungry son...he is the one who won't leave fucking Cabell County because he likes his fucking grandparent's money! I have talked to him about this since being at Mom's and when I said to him for the UPTEENTH time "Who cares if they won't help? Tell them to fuck off and move up here! We don't need their money!" He actually said to me "We'll loose everything we've worked so hard for." We have squat! Worked for what? He bummed the money from his dad for the trailer! It has a yard that he will not mow unless his dad shows up with a mower/weed eater and barks orders at him to mow, it has a leaky pipe somewhere in the sink in the small bathroom that he has known abouy for EONS now and will not even TRY to fix! A trailer that he won't help ME take care of! There is nothing to loose! It just pisses me off! Anyway, I need to go. I have found some fic that I wanna read and I have rented 50 First Dates and I want to get back home and watch it tonight because it has to be back tomorrow. Ta.
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