7:59 p.m. - Monday, Jun. 28, 2004
Finally found the time
Hey, all! Like the new layout?? The one that I was so jazzed about, the one that was gonna be so cool once I got it back from the designer...well, the designer bailed on me after keeping me on the line for over a month. I guess I can understand her personal crap, but don't tell me you're going to do something if you actually aren't.

The email she sent me telling me that she couldn't do it because her dad was sick felt like a total and utter lie.

I don't know, but I'm annoyed greatly just the same.

Oh, well.

This one I have now seems kinda cool.

I don't think I have ever had an imageless template since I have had this diary.

Not counting when I very first got it.

So...much to tell.

Left here last Saturday and met Mom and Jeff. Jesse and I went home with them and Jeff babysat while Mom and I went to see The Greenbriar Ghost.

It was an excellent play, a musical.

We left a little early to have dinner at Bob Evans'. Good food there, though I couldn't tell you what I ate. Heh. The play started at 8, was over by 10 and we didn't get home until almost 1.

Sunday was a pretty day, so we decided to go ghost hunting in Greenbriar County.

We found this one building that had once been used as a hospital during the war (Civil, I think). Someone was there fixing it up for these folks that had bought the place.

Mom and I were a little freaked out by this guy because he was mean looking, so we sent Jeff to talk to him.

WHen he came back, he said that the guy told him there was some myerious activity in that house.

We didn't get to go in, but Jeff said the top floor wall had the names of soldiers engraved in it.

After that, we went looking for Zona. (If you followed the link I posted, you know who she is)

I can't tell you how long we went looking for her. Just when we started to give up, we found her!

Mom and I had been to her grave before, lotsa years back, but neither one could remember how to get there.

Also, Mom has taken to scrap booking and she's going to make a book for Jesse and I am going to make one on Zona and her family.

Zona's mother, Mary, is buried right beside her and I got a pic of her tombstone, too.

I would love to find where Zona's husband is buried. Maybe another day.

We had stopped and had a picnic in the middle of the "ghost hunt" and that was really nice, too.

Monday was West Virginia Day and we didn't do much of anything. Just kinda hung out and recouperated from the weekend because Mom and Jeff had to go to work the next day.

Tuesday-Friday not a whole lot happened other than me and Jesse staying at Mom's and visiting my grandma O here and there.

Talked to L on the phone a few times while I was there and he got the car back.

Those asswipe grandparents of his swore up and down that my plates had expired and come to find out, I was right when I said they didn't expire until September.

I was on the phone with L when he brough that up and I told him, "Tell the old bag she can eat crow. I told all of ya'll that it was current."

He said not a word.

He got insurance on it for a month...lied to his grandparents and told them that my Mom was paying it for the next 2 months, which I am pissed about.

To my knowledge, they don't know that he has been out of work for over a week now.

Made arrangements for me to come home on Saturday and I told L that he had better be picking me up in my car and he did.

During the week, Mom, Jeff and I talked about how I was going to go about leaving L.

Went and talked to this lawyer that Mom knows and I can't file for divorce back home because the law says that I have to file in the county we last lived in together.

Sucks. Bites.

I have to file here where everything will be in his favor.

But, Mom and Jeff don't seem to think that.

I am so scared of losing Jesse.

They don't think I will because supposedly the court will look at who has done atleast 80% of the parenting, they will look at the fact that he has sleeping pills (have the bottle with his dad's name on it as proof), the fact that he can't get out of bed to hold a job, the fact that he claims that he can't hear her when he's sleeping and she cries, the fact that he has dropped her, etc..

If I lose her, you may as well kill me because it's the same damn thing.

So, I'm trying to get myself to pack and the plan is to leave on Saturday...U-HAUL and all.

I'm finding it very hard to get the motivation to do so, believe it or not.

I keep thinking of things...

How we used to be kinda happy...we would lie in bed and talk until we fell asleep, we would laugh together, we talked. We don't even do that anymore.

Since I have come back, he has managed to tell me about a bounced check that he wrote 2 months ago that Kroger wants payment for.

I called the bank to ask about payments on the car only to find out that over $3,000 was paid on it as of the 7th of the month and that makes it paid for. I have yet to see the title and it went out 10 days after the car was paid off.

No one has told me. L hasn't told me.

I was watching tv today when L came in to play with Jesse.

It was so nice to see. And it made me think that if he had not allowed things to get so bad, if he put me and Jesse before his family, if he didn't revel in the fact that his grandparents are paying all of our bills, then we may actually be able to be happy.

But, no, he had to make sure they knew every fart that was let and here we are.

If he cared about us, he would tell them to fuck off. If he cared about us, he would accept the fact that I am not forgiving his mom for attacking me like she did, I am not forgiving his dad for lying the suicide guilt trip on me (and then lying about it, telling L that he was asking me to look out for him), I am not forgiving his grandma for calling my Mom, and I am not forgiving his Mom and grandpa for strongarming me into giving them my car and keeping it for 2 months.

If he cared about us, he would want me to be happy and not turn a deaf ear when I say, "I'm here, aren't I? I'm MISERABLE, but I'm HERE."

He wouldn't work so damned hard at making me think I am unstable.

He wouldn't call me a child for continuing to hate his family the way I do. He would care that I hate him.

He would be trying harder to get a job instead of sitting on his ass like he has been.

He has not been to unemployement, he has been to ONE job and that was at Lowes. If he even went there.

He would not have told his Mom about the "marital" problems we have no matter how mad he was at me.

I cannot begin to describe the hole that has left in me, what that has done to me.

I can never trust him after that.

And no matter what he told them, I'm sure he came out smelling like a rose. I cannot stand that they think his shit doesn't stink.

He's a liar, he's an ass, he is a rapist (as far as I am concerned) and last week was spent writing a letter to his grandparents telling them that.

It won't be mailed until all of this is said and done.

They continue to give him all of this money, yet there are bills going unpaid. What do they think is being done with it?

Our cells are turned off due to unpaid bills, we'll be losing the internet who knows when unless they give him more money tomorrow, he is 158 days past due on his student loans and owes over $300 plus over $30 in late fees, Sams Club contacted him yesterday and told him that they were going to sue him for the $1500 that he owes them unless he paid up, (he got daddy to take care of that today), he isn't paying the bank what he owes them in overdraft fees....all this shit I have said before.

I am very, very scared of what I am about to do.

Mom and Jeff say to hell with Saturday to come on now.

His Mom came by today just as I was about to give Jesse a bath...

I had her on the bed and was taking her clothes off of her and he came and grabbed her up to take her to see his mom.

I didn't want her to go, he undermined me yet again.

She didn't come in the house because I don't allow her inside since she was a shit-faced cunt to me. They had to visit outside.

Turns out, her step-mom bought Jesse some clothes and she wanted to drop them off.

L came in and told me that I had made her cry and I just blew it off.

I couldn't care less. She made me cry.

He says, "So, now you're even. Now stop acting like this!"

I refuse. I told him as much.

So, her dad is in the hospital again and we're to see him and take Jesse.

I said that he could go but Jesse and I would not be because I didn't want to risk the risk of running into his mom.

I get the speech about how his grandparents on that side have always been good to me and that I shouldn't make them suffer.

She had bought those clothes (and the right size, too) because she wanted to be nice to Jesse and me.

So, I guess I'm obligated now? I have things to do tomorrow.

I agreed to go, but in seperate cars.

L has himself to blame and his family to thank for all of this.

It's because of him that I can't do this anymore. It's because of them interfering the way do.

I have been here for far too long.

Before I go, I wanted to say that if I left any of you guys (my readers) out of the reads list, let me know so I can link you.

Too, I hope those I have called by name don't mind. If you do, just tell me and I will change your name to your username.

I'll leave you with a few pics:

The old hospital.

Zona.

Jesse's first popsicle.

And, again.

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