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9:30 p.m. - Thursday, Jun. 17, 2004 So, let’s see...L had to go to a meeting with his superior today because he was going to be re-assigned. He goes and comes back and tells me that he was not reassigned (he’s a security guard in case no one knows/remembers). He isn’t at the same site. He has been fired. Why was he fired, you may ask?? Because he was late for work last Saturday night. And you may be asking a question again, “He was late one night and they fired him?” Oh, nonono. He was HABITUALLY late since he had the job basically. (Think he started in October?) It seems as though it was progressively worse in the last 2 months. He has no discipline when it comes to getting to a JOB on time. He would sometimes sleep until the last possible second and get up and then go. And when he would get up in PLENTY of time to get ready to go to work, he would dilly-dally around until the LAST POSSIBLE second! He would concern himself with things that he didn’t need to be concerning himself with such as something on tv or something that he was downloading on Sharezaa. Say he had to be in at 4:30 and I would get him up at NOON, he would play with the computer from 1-3, get something to eat and it would be 3:30 by then, sit and pick at it until 4, and go to the bathroom until 4:15-4:20 and then be out the door...folks, we live atleast 30 minutes away from his job site. Same deal as if he would have a later night shift. I tried to give him this lecture and how I (along with my Mom and Jeff) tried to warn him in the past that they would get tired of that crap at work and it would catch up with him. As per usual, he didn’t listen. Obviously. He then tried to blame me for his lateness on Saturday saying that I got him up at 6:10 to ask him if he needed to be at work by 6:30. Yes, I did, BUT he had the alarm set and it is not my fault that he didn’t have the responsibility to get up when it went off. (I may have fallen asleep with Jesse on the recliner, I don’t remember) It is not my fault that he kept hitting snooze and when I called him on it; his EXCUSE was that he didn’t remember doing it. Mom had to go to Maryland for her job today and will not be back until tomorrow night. That sucks because I am dying to call her and tell her that what she was thinking was right. She had said that she thought he was going to be fired. This week has drug by for me. No, not drug, Crept. All day Monday I was ahead of myself, I thought it was Tuesday and when I learned it was Monday, I was so depressed. I am dying to get out of this house and go see the play with Mom, to have some help in getting Jesse better. (She has had a sore throat/has been nearly horse for about a week now.) L got paid today so we should be on the way to getting the car on the road tomorrow. That will be my ticket out of here. I am so tired of being a sitting duck. I am so tired of sitting here knowing that there are things that I need to get done to show my lawyer when I go and talk to him and I have no way of getting them because L is my only transportation. In other news, I thought there was a birthday party today for L’s friend Kelly’s kids and it turns out that I was wrong. It isn’t until Saturday. Being there early turned out to be a good thing because Jesse, Cole (who will be 2 or 3) and Gavin (who will be1) had a good play date. I worry about her social skills. She spends a lot of time around me, my family and some family friends back home, but really she needs to play with other babies so she can learn to share and just be social. I don’t want her to suffer because of me. When we move to Mom’s and I get us on our feet, things will change. I think they will be better no matter how hard they will be. I think things will be very tough. I don’t know how L will handle legal proceedings because he is such a child. A lot of the time it seems like he’s a little kid playing in the sandbox and when things don’t go his way, he yanks his ball from the other kid and goes home. Or, it seems like his whole basis for things is like, “You called me a poopyhead, you poopyhead! I’m gonna tell my Mommy!” Or, something like that. I can’t really explain it. The lawyer told my Mom that we would have to get everything in one trip. And that we would probably need a cop to come along. I have been playing my version of the scene out in my head all week...we have the U-haul and Mom, myself, and some folks helping with the move come in the house along with a cop and L is wondering wtf is going on. Me: (nonchalant) Oh, didn’t you get that memo? I’m leaving you. I want you to meet my new friend Mr. Cop, aka Big, Bad, Mofo that will rip you a new one if you try anything funny while I proceed to take things that are mine. You will be hearing from my lawyer. In all honesty, I have moments where I am questioning if I am doing the right thing. I have given him chance after chance after chance. And nothing ever changes. Nothing. Ever. Every tiny thing is a fight...especially now since he went and told our problems to his family. I don’t trust him at all anymore. I can’t. I can’t handle them knowing everything. I can’t handle them telling L/us how money should be spent. I can’t handle them giving L money and him letting them control him with it. I can’t spend forever in this...this struggle between me and his family and him always putting them first and me and Jesse last. Deep down I am scared. Every argument that I could use against L in court is all hearsay. So is anything that he could say about me. I can’t let my fear keep me here...can I? No. I can’t. I can’t live this way anymore. Nite.
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