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2:28 p.m. - Saturday, Jun. 05, 2004 1. Who are you? 2. Have we ever met? 3. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. 4. Describe me in one word. 5. What reminds you of me? 6. If you could give me anything, what would it be? 7. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t? 9. Are you going to put this on your weblog and see what I say about you? 10. What do you love like a fat kid loves cake? 11. What makes you come back here? Answer these questions in my guestbook. I should FINALLY have my new layout by the week of the 10th. I got an email from the girl today that is supposed to be working on it. I had planned on going into the hospital in Beckley (after seeing what my insurance would cover-if it did) for mental exhaustion and depression. But when it comes to custody of Jesse, it could work against me and not only that, but it could cause me to miss momentus things in her life. Walking, turning one, getting more teeth. I don't know how I am going to tell L that I am divorcing him. In my mind, we already are. We were supposed to use this time alone to talk and when he finally decided to come home lastnight (had been gone since 11:30 for his job interview and then went and got my prescription for Wellbutrin filled and then went to talk to his grandparents for the rest of the day) he had to get ready and leave for work. How convenient. He's apologizing but he isn't forgiven. He isn't sorry. He meant to do it. He didn't have to go there at all and he chose to. The asshole. So, he got home at 2 something this morning and went straight to bed because he had to b3 at work again from 6 a.m. until 3 (I think) and then he gets an hour or so off and has to work another shift. Yeah, there's some real talk time there. He's avoiding me. He got home not long after Mom and Jeff left Thursday night/wee hours of Friday morning and I yelled at him for various things. Spoke my mind. I need a plan of action before I tell him that I am leaving. I don't know where to start or what to do. I would really like to talk to the lawyer first, but I'm feeling like I can't or won't be able to. I don't know. I have tried and tried and tried to get L to straighten up and he won't. I'm tired of talking to him and then him turning everything on me like I am totally at fault. Tired of the little mind games. While he was gone yesterday, he had not called me since something after one and I texted him and called him from 2 something until 6 when he showed up. He had not bothered to answer the phone. It's little things. I want to see the new Harry Potter movie and today he sends me a text saying that he was going to go see it. That pissed me off...if he was going, he was taking me with him. I texted him back and said 'Asshole...not without me you aren't.' Then he writes me back saying that he was kidding and that he wouldn't dream of going without me. There was no reason for him to get me mad like that. He knew I would get mad. And that is the kind of crap that he pulls. I'm thinking and wondering if I can talk to the lawyer about getting child and spousal support (until I get work) and then sue him for pain and suffering. Heh. Whenever I need something there is no money, but when he needs something, he finds a way to get the money. There is so much bullshit... I need a plan of action. I need to find a way that will allow me to come out on top.
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