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11:16 p.m. - Thursday, Jun. 03, 2004 I called Mom to see if she could recommend anyone and she could. A friend of hers who will council me for free and may even take my case. I was all jazzed about this and Mom said that he is even in on Saturdays so maybe she could make an appointment for me. I'm thinking that I should have the car back by weeks end, so cool. Well, then, L got paid and it was only $160 something. Poor baby was off from work because his ankle was bothering him. I'm pissed. I tell him that I'm gonna need money to buy things for Jesse and to do things concerning the car at the DMV. This is before I knew there wasn't enough to do anything with the car at the dmv. He says wait until next paycheck. Fine. Whatever. Later on, he picks a fight with me via text message because since his mom was a total cunt to me, I have forbad that any of his family come to the house. His Mom for being a cunt. His grandparents for taking the car and his Dad for laying the bogus guilt trip on me. I don't want to look at them, I want nothing to do with them. I'm having a hellacious time getting Jesse to bed so this is not the night to start with me. I call Mom just to talk and can't get through. When I can, I find that L has called her and told her about the fight we had when he felt like he had the right to go into my purse, he told her that he told his family that I said they were banned from here and they are pissed, he tells her that I may never get the car back because there is currently NO insurance, his grandparents just paid over a grand on it, and there are taxes owed on it. I have no idea how much the taxes are, but it pisses me the fuck off that he doesn't have the balls to tell me this! He isn't even going to TRY and fix it with his next paycheck so that leaves MY ass sitting! What the hell am I supposed to do when he isn't around and Jesse NEEDS to go to the doctor? What if there is an emergency? What if she needs food? What if I want to go spend a week with my mother?? This makes me hysterical because L has ran his mouth to his family yet again and I don't know why my stupid self believed him when he said he wouldn't do it again. If he is going to go and tell them every fucking shit that made around here, then I can't live with that. I won't. I need that car if I plan to leave and get a job. If they want to be this way then fuck it, they can have the car. My Mom has to make a trip to Virginia tomorrow and right now she is on her way to come and get Jesse so L and I can talk for the MILLIONTH time. Or, I can talk until I am blue in the face and L turns a deaf ear. I had every intention of talking to the lawyer first to see what I could get from this mess and I was going to ambush L with the news of the divorce and now I don't know that I will get to do that. I'm not living like this. I can't deal with L telling his family every fucking thing. I have NEVER hated him this much. Mom said tonight that she thinks I need to put myself in a hospital back home. Funny when I said that to her before, she wouldn't hear it. I'm giving this one last go around and then I will go home and most likely to a hospital. I'll say it again, I am not the bad guy. I'm not totally faultless, but I am not the bad guy. This. is. more than. bullshit.
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