9:25 p.m. - Wednesday, Apr. 21, 2004
If I could take all the good emotions and keep them, I would
My. Grandmother. Is. Evil.

I mean my Mom's Mom, of course. She is evil and twisted. I can't sit here and say why because I promised I wouldn't talk about it.

But my grandmother is a twisted old bitch and there are no limits that she will go to when she really does not like someone.

It's shit like this that make it impossible for anyone to really like her.

Ok, I could go on, but if I do, ya'll be like, "what is it?" lol.

Jesse wwent to the doctor today and got 4 well baby shots-2 in each leg, so now she is carrying a fever. Time to break out the Tylenol and Motrin again.

I asked the doctor about peircing Jesse's ears and she gave the go ahead.

Now, whether or not I can work up the cajones to do it and not feel like the worst mother that ever walked this planet for inflicting pain on my daughter is another story.

Yes, it's the initial pinch that will get her, I think, but I see the way she handles shots, so I can imagine what an ear peircing would do.

She screamed and cried today and I cried, too.

It's for her own good, to keep her from getting so sick, but it still hurts.

On the upside, the nurse felt so sorry for her, that she gave her an orange sucker which she got to lick on the way out of the doctor's office.

She loved that! :)

Of course, Mom had to finish it off for her. :P

I have become rather leanient with Jesse lately and I am kind of proud of myself.

Jeff gave her vanilla ice cream (just a little) while she was there and normally, I would have freaked, but I thought it was cool.

Jesse has kind of suprized me because she WILL NOT take water in a bottle, but she WILL drink it from a "big girl" cup or a regular water bottle.

I was kind of worried because she wasn't drinking juice, but the pediatrician said that was nothing to worry over.

I don't know what my deal is today, but today, I have just felt kind of content, I think.

I was feeding Jesse her dinner and that was when I really began to notice this calm wave that was settling on me.

Now, again, tomorrow could be different, but for right now I'm just feeling good.

I don't know what brought it on.

So, on that note, I suppose, I'm gonna creep into Jesse's room to look at her...I see so much of me in her sometimes there are certain ways that she just looks exactly like me when I was a baby...then go get something from the fridge and settle in for the night.

I wish this feeling would last.

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